Saturday, December 24, 2005

A Higher Claus

Christmas is nigh and i have (for the most part) successfully avoided christmas carols. Mercifully i only heard a snippet of "Grandma got run over by a reindeer" once this year. I was forced to peruse the shelves of the store i was in with even more concentration, thus blocking out any extraneous (carol) noise. I'm sure at this time last year my hatred for the song could not have been any more vitriolic; I swear it was played every five minutes, and it doesn't even have any redeeming musical features! The melody is inane, and the spirit of the song is not particularly festive. Perhaps one can liken "grandma" to Jesus in that she too is a martyr to a higher claus, though Jesus, unlike Grandma, had not been indulging in Egg Nog which i suspect contained more than a snifter of brandy and rum... It's a tenuous link at best.

Merry Christmas. I think.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Social Faux Pas


I was invited into the house of a client of my mother yesterday. I was made to take my laceup sneakers off at the door (oh the annoyance). My Mother then showed off her client's santa claus collection, the number of which i regret to say, could not be counted on one hand. Nor two. Toes were involved.

Then a tour of the residence was in order. We looked in at her husband, who i presumed had the flu, as he was lying in bed watching a DVD. I said hello. He seemed nice, though I could not make out his physiogonomy as he was lying under the duvet.

As the tour of the house continued the following exchange occured between myself, and the client whom we shall call Mrs L.

Mrs L: indicating to an empty area near the stairs on the ground floor. "And this is where we are going to install a lift."

Me: "Why on earth do you need a lift?" secretly thinking you damn lazy housewife, why the hell do you need a lift?!? Is that expensive, designer vacuum cleaner too heavy to carry up a flight of stairs?

Mrs L: "My husband is a tetraplegic."

Me: "Oh"

awkward silence

Me: cough.

Me: "Well I guess that explains it."

Monday, December 12, 2005

MySpace

I was perusing MySpace earlier and in my boredom decided to browse profiles that matched the name Nicole Evans. To my dismay there were over 120 of them. I feel so... so... un-unique. My whole life is crashing down around me. Who are these other Nicoles? Why do they have my exact name? Can i kill them?

Maybe I will create a MySpace group exclusively for people called Nicole Evans. If i create it I can be administrator and be Queen of all MySpace Nicole Evanses. That would go some way to easing my suffering.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland


I'm revisiting my childhood. I am reading a facsimile of the original publication of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland which was given to me when i was 5. Interesting that you don't appreciate books like these half as much when you are young.

"When we were little," the Mock Turtle went on..."we went to school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle - we used to call him Tortoise-----"
"Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?" Alice asked.
"We called him Tortoise because he taught us," said the Mock Turtle angrily; "really you are very dull!"

Isn't that gorgeous? The next 3 pages carry on in exactly the same manner. Children's books are seldomly written for children are they?!?

In other news I have decided i want to do my Masters at the Curtis Institute. God that would be cool.